While you’re separating, breaking up or divorcing, the holidays can be particularly difficult. The challenge can come from many directions and can be unduly painful.  Here are 22 top tips for managing the holidays during a painful separation or loss.

1. Holidays are an annual time of reflection, community and celebration.

2. But even during the best of times the holidays are a stressful season.

3. Your emotional state is heightened. You are experiencing stress and fatigue whether you are aware of it or not. Get more sleep or rest than usual and to offset that give your mind and body attention and support.

Divorce Delays May Put Your Life on Hold

Drastic cutbacks in the Los Angeles County legal system may keep you and your spouse married and your lives on hold far longer than you ever imagined.  Effective April 1, 2010, over 300 personnel across Los Angeles County’s legal system will be laid off with another 500 slated to leave by September (roughly 20% of all court related personnel). This is on top of recent retirements of family law judges generated by overwork — too few judges handling too many cases.

We know that cases have been increasingly delayed over the years due to docket crowding.  In some instances a couple will get in front of a judge only twice in the course of a year and then only often only for minutes.  Imagine the frustration of a trial which stretches over a period of years with each trial day separated by months!  The adage of justice delayed being justice denied comes to mind.

5 Strongly Agree 4 Agree 3 Neutral/Doesn’t Apply 2 Disagree 1 Strongly Disagree

1. My ability to achieve a successful outcome in the divorce primarily will depend on the decisions I make during the process.

5    4    3    2    1

2. In order to achieve my most important goals, I am willing to let go of some smaller, short-term issues, even though it may be very hard to do.

5    4    3    2    1

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By Diane DePould, Esq.

It seems so logical and civilized to wait until after the holidays to deal with the frazzling prospect of ending a relationship. After the tree is down and the ornaments and lights are put away neatly. A semblance of order before the inevitable tearing down of your family, marital or relationship structure. Giving yourself a year to let your friends and family get used to the idea so it won’t feel so raw next year.

If you are planning to make this your last holiday with your marriage, relationship and/or family intact, here are some things you can do to make the most of this time and to move yourself gently and constructively through the holiday season.